Nov 1, 2010

Sweeney Todd promotes cannibalism. And how I love it.

I have never really celebrated Halloween. I am Australian after all and it hasn't been big here until recently when our country decided it was cool to copy the US in everything they do. I am also terrible when it comes to scary films. The first scary film I can recall seeing was hide and seek with Robert DeNiro and Dakota Fanning.

Alright it is pretty tame as far as scary films go, but you see my imagination is at such an incredible peak that the slightly scary films will have me sitting in bed with the covers pulled past my ears thinking "If I stay absolutely still the murderer that obviously made that creaking noise will not come into my room and kill me."

It is interesting how at night with the lights out and the shadows making faces at me I can't actually see how unrealistic my fears are. Bumps in the night are, as we all know, caused by global warming. Hey we're blaming it for everything else so why the hell not?

How about I get back on topic? Friday night we decided to have a scary movie night. It doesn't really count as me celebrating Halloween seeing as there was no mention of Halloween, there were no pumpkins, we ate Chinese food and it was on the Friday before Halloween. If I'm being honest I didn't even know when  Halloween was until this weekend. I just knew it was October some time.

We had gotten the most unusual sounding 'scary' movies we could find and, because I hadn't seen it and really wanted to, Sweeney Todd. I swear if Tim Burton, Douglas Adams and James Cameron went into a room they would leave with a killer robot that was horribly depressed and had scissors for hands. If you don't get that joke I respect you less.

My train of thought is constantly de-railing. Back to Friday night.

It was time to watch movies. We had bought Chinese food and fortune cookies and chopsticks separately. Why doesn't the Wall Of China* sell fortune cookies or supply chop sticks? We Had our food and we put on the first movie we had hired. . . . . Human Centipede. You heard me.

I bet you're thinking I am going to tell you all about this wonderful serendipitous moment when we stumbled upon this awesome film thinking it would be absolutely ridiculous. No. It was ridiculous. Scratch that, it was ridonkulous.

 The cover makes you think "Dude some crazy scientist probably makes a human centipede and lets it rampage around Germany or something!" No. Yes there is a crazy German scientist that makes a human centipede but it is just. . . . weird. No rampaging just a lot of whimpering and squealing. Though at one stage the Japanese guy exclaims wildly that Japanese people are dangerous when backed into a corner. Good to know.

This doesn't count as a scary film because it wasn't scary at all it was just gross. I won't tell you more about it as you probably wouldn't look at me the same ever again. I will just tell you that it is so not worth your time. Terrible acting, terrible plot line, and it is just so fake.

On a lighter note after that terrible film which we had fun insulting, we watched Sweeney Todd. Tim Burton is brilliant, I may have mentioned. I love that movie. It isn't a scary movie and the gore looks so fake that it is almost comical but there is murder and cannibalism involved.

There is a song in the film that I was fond of instantaneously. That's right I can spell that word. Anyway the song is called 'a little priest'. It is quite simply a song in which they judge what people will taste like in their pies. I am a fan of bad jokes and puns so I can truly appreciate the lyrics, which I looked up.

Todd: Haven't you got poet or something like that?
Mrs. Lovett: No y'see the trouble with poet is 'ow do you know it's deceased? Try the priest!

Todd: No this isn't fiddle player, it's piccolo player!
Mrs. Lovett: How can you tell?
Todd: It's piping hot!

Ah lame yet Witty and wonderful. The fact that it is a music really dulls the fact that they are in fact murdering and eating people. Not just eating, but selling them too! Well on the bright side, Mrs. Lovett stopped having the worst pies in London.

Well I'm all out of reasons to continue this post so here, a parting picture that has nothing to do with the post and I shall be on my way.

*fun fact about the Wall Of China Chinese restaurant in Port Macquarie. The far wall is covered in delicate porcelain plates, cups and bowls. That is right it is the wall of china.



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